I only write horrible songs and play them at the comedy store in London. They're quite disgusting, and I don't think you'd appreciate them at all. Unless perhaps you were drunk and in a "I hate women" kinda mood. Then you might think I'm the coolest person in the world, unlike my ex girlfriends...
If anybody gets a minute, take a read and let me know what you think.....
"I need some drink (to fill the hole)"
I gave Hank his first drink, and he brought his son to me.
And I gave Elvis Aron his first pill in Tennessee.
You'll find me round the quiet towns of great ones yet to be.
They all curse my name but always sing these words to me:
Chr:
"I need some drink to fill the hole, I could swear it once was full.
Though I'm like a freight train bound for hell when I satisfy that well
I got it all but self-control.
I need some drink to fill the hole, a little fire to burn the coal.
I gotta feel like someone else, just so I can stand myself.
It's just the way this story goes."
Some call me the Devil but I ain't got a name.
And every son and daughter swears that I'm the one to blame.
But every cryin eye that ever saw the price of fame
Claims greatness as his alibi while good men cry with shame:
(Chorus)
(bridge)
Everyone of them looks up with crying eyes to me
and said “How’d it come to be I got so low?”
I say "Son, your just mistaken by the misery and cold.
It's the view here from the top that feels alone."
On a Friday night a couple months ago
I was feelin' tired from work and broke
And my wife said "There’s music at the bar and I wanna go"
I said an ice-cold beer sounds mighty nice
And the kids are both asleep for the night
So won’t you put on that slutty red dress and away we’ll go
I turned on the heater in my flat bed Ford
And when she got to the truck I opened her door
Cause she was lookin' better than she looked in quite a while
And I knew if I played my card just right
I just might get a little ass tonight
But as she climbed in the cab she hardly cracked a smile
She kept sayin' “baby, nothing’s wrong”
But like all men I’ve heard that song
And I could smell there was trouble brewin' right around the bend
Sure enough as we took that drive
A discussion somehow turned into a fight
And when we pulled up I knew it’d be better if we didn’t go in
(Chorus)
It’s just another gangsta-cowboy lovesong
Me and my gal in the back of my flat bed Ford
Clockin’ a grip and I’m lookin’ like a pimp
On my way to the honky tonk.
It’s all I’ll ever want and more
Stepped inside with my rhinestone buckle
Ignored the feelin’ I was headin' for trouble
Cause that ice-cold beer just kept on callin' my name
Before I knew it two hours had passed
And I was long past beer, drinkin' shots from Jack
Lookin’ for the sign that said “hombres” back this way.
I finished up, double-checked my fly
Got back to the stool and started wonderin' why
My wife wasn’t where I left her there sittin' at the bar
It seems that a man wearin' pants from France
Had asked my old lady if she wanted to dance
And I guess I didn’t mind
As long as he don’t go too far.
But the trouble is he was doin' more than dancing
He was thinking it was fine to slide his hands in
That slutty red dress so I had to toe the line.
I walked right up, looked him dead in the eye
Cocked back my fist and I let five fly,
I hit him so hard they said this boy here might die.
(Chorus)
Now I’m paintin' lines on a cellblock wall
Serving 3 to 5 for aggravated assault
I guess it’s against the law to throw a punch
Especially at a man in imported pants
that gets hauled off in an ambulance
that was the one blood brother of the only county judge
now I ain’t one to whine and cuss but it seems like it’s far too much
a coincidence that when I hit him she looked so glad
Now he and my wife are home makin' love
He’s drinkin' my whiskey, drivin' my truck
And the last I heard both my kids are callin' him “Dad” (Awww Sh*t)
(Chorus)
So when the wife’s mad and says “nothin’s wrong,
And let’s head on down to the honky tonk”
Lookin' better than she ever did the day you two got hitched
You just might find that the game’s been set
And spend 3 to 5 drinkin’ water with bread
Just for haulin' off and clockin' some son of a b*tch.
Okay Willie. I'm in. We'll have to hook up sometime... we're close enough.
You can probably figure the inspiration for this one pretty quick:
Orange County
Steve Crane and Red Hot Roosters
VERSE:
Moved to Orange County, lookin’ for some friends
After years of trying, thought we’d reached the end
Then we met some Western folks, they really changed our mind
Started feelin’ comfortable, stopped lookin’ far behind
CHORUS:
It’s like comin’ home again
It’s like comin’ home again
VERSE:
Home’s a sense of place; home’s a sense of friends
Home’s a sense of relationships that will never end
Well you know what I’m talkin’ bout, you’ve felt the same thing too
It’s just to me and my wife, those feeling’s have been few
REPEAT CHORUS:
It’s like comin’ home again
It’s like comin’ home again
BRIDGE:
Home’s where your best friends live
They’re right down the street
You can call ‘em up, they think you’re neat
And when you got a problem, they’ll listen to your beef
It’s like, comin’ home again
It’s like, comin’ home again
REPEAT BRIDGE AND ENDING:
Home’s where your best friends live
They’re right down the street
You can call ‘em up, they think you’re neat
And when you got a problem, they’ll listen to your beef
It’s like, comin’ home again
It’s like, comin’ home again
It’s like, comin’ home again
No Im being serious with that comment, I like that song....country is not my thing but I liked the lyrics to that song.....The "Lyrics" to my song "the country ghetto" was just me rewording Texas Blues hit "Orange County"