Stagecoach Humor

[Justice Daniels]

Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. One of the cowboys says to the other, "You see that Indian? He's listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction."

Just then the Indian looks up. "Stagecoach," he says, "about two miles away. Have six horses, three brown, two white, one black. One man drive, man, woman, child ride inside, it carry many boxes."

"Incredible!" says the cowboy to his friend. "This Indian knows how far away they are, how many horses, what color they are, who is in the stagecoach, and what it's carrying. Amazing! How do you know all that?"

The Indian looks up and says, "Ran over me about a half hour ago."

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Got a funny Stagecoach joke or true story to share?

[gaypalmsprings]

http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g143/kalia_sexy/Cowboys/Cowboy04.jpg

[Justice Daniels]

:confused: Sorry, I don't get it. Here, try this one...

An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a woman truck driver sat down next to him. She turned to him and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'

He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy.'

She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women.'

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a couple sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and the wife asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'

He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm really a lesbian."

[gaypalmsprings]

http://www.jaynesstable.com/images/cowboy_sexy_1.jpg

[Justice Daniels]

I don't know where you keep gettin' these old pictures of me but I think you should know I ain't never been gay so I guess whatever slippery pleasure you've been derivin' from these photos would mean the jokes been on you...hey, I guess I do get the humor after all! Good one, SpongeBob! :D

[Justice Daniels]

I had a dream the other night. I was in the old West riding in a stagecoach. Suddenly, a man riding a horse pulls up to the left side of the stagecoach and a riderless horse pulls up on the right.

The man leans down, pulls open the door and jumps off his horse into the stagecoach. Then he opens the door on the other side and jumps out onto the other horse.

Just before he rode off, I yelled out, "What was that all about?"

He replied, "Nothing. It's just a stage I'm going through."

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Hope y'all have a great week!

[WillieCash]

In the dead of winter the lake was covered with ice fishermen and women. All of them had state of the art fish finders, ice drillers, warming huts, and all of the high tech gear imaginable except for a lone 13 year old boy with a simple ice pick and bamboo pole.

Everyone on the ice sat there all day getting skunked except for for this 13 year old boy who seemed to pull fish out of the water as soon as he got his line wet.

Finally, an old man who had been watching all day walked up to the boy and asked "Son, what's you're secret? how do you keep catching fish while the rest of us out here aren't getting so much as a nibble?

The boy replied something incoherant.

The old man asked again "Maybe you didn't hear me son, but it's rude not to answer your elders"

The boy mumbled again

The old man, beginning to lose his patience, says "Son, if you don't answer me, I'm going to teach you some manners the hard way!"

The boy then raises one hand, motions to the old man to calm down. He then spits the entire contents of his mouth into his other hand and replies "I keep my worms warm."

[Justice Daniels]

In the dead of winter the lake was covered with ice fishermen and women....

:D

Okay, here's one...

Three cowboys were hanging out in the bunkhouse. "I know that smart aleck Tex," said the first. "He's going to start bragging about that new foreign car he bought as soon as he gets back."

"Not Tex," the second cowboy replied. "He'll always be just a good ol' boy. When he walks in, I'm sure all he'll say is hello."

"I know Tex better than either of you," said the third. "He's so smart, he'll figure out a way to do both. Here he comes now." Tex swung open the bunkhouse door and shouted, "Audi, partners!"

[caligirlUCR]

In the dead of winter the lake was covered with ice fishermen and women. All of them had state of the art fish finders, ice drillers, warming huts, and all of the high tech gear imaginable except for a lone 13 year old boy with a simple ice pick and bamboo pole.

Everyone on the ice sat there all day getting skunked except for for this 13 year old boy who seemed to pull fish out of the water as soon as he got his line wet.

Finally, an old man who had been watching all day walked up to the boy and asked "Son, what's you're secret? how do you keep catching fish while the rest of us out here aren't getting so much as a nibble?

The boy replied something incoherant.

The old man asked again "Maybe you didn't hear me son, but it's rude not to answer your elders"

The boy mumbled again

The old man, beginning to lose his patience, says "Son, if you don't answer me, I'm going to teach you some manners the hard way!"

The boy then raises one hand, motions to the old man to calm down. He then spits the entire contents of his mouth into his other hand and replies "I keep my worms warm."

ewwwwwwwwwww

[Kymery]

I had a dream the other night. I was in the old West riding in a stagecoach. Suddenly, a man riding a horse pulls up to the left side of the stagecoach and a riderless horse pulls up on the right.

The man leans down, pulls open the door and jumps off his horse into the stagecoach. Then he opens the door on the other side and jumps out onto the other horse.

Just before he rode off, I yelled out, "What was that all about?"

He replied, "Nothing. It's just a stage I'm going through."

----------------------
Hope y'all have a great week!

Now that was cute!!!!

[gaypalmsprings]

http://images.icanhascheezburger.com/completestore/2008/11/23/128719230497274213.jpg

[scarr]

Now that was cute!!!!

I agree

[Justice Daniels]

There's 2 cows in a field, one cow looks at the other cow and says "moo." The other cow looks back and says "Wow, you just read my mind."

[gaypalmsprings]

too soon?

http://photos-h.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc1/hs126.snc1/5416_121480583527_583653527_2517199_6950509_n.jpg

[Justice Daniels]

A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. "Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.

"Well, I can think of one thing," the cowboy offered.

"On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I warned them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I walked up to the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring and threw it on the ground. Then I yelled, "Now, back off or I'll kick the crap out of all the rest of you too!!"

St. Peter was impressed, "When did this happen?"

"Just a couple of minutes ago..."

[Justice Daniels]

A city cop new to working a country beat pulls over a cowboy for doing 48mph in a 45mph zone.

After a long lecture to the cowboy about speeding, he finally gets around to writing out the ticket. That's when the cowboy notices flies buzzing around the officer's head.

"Problems with circle flies?" asks the cowboy.

"If that's what they're called," says the cop. "I never heard of circle flies."

"Circle flies hang around ranches," says the cowboy. "They're called circle flies because they usually circle the rear of a horse."

"Oh," says the cop. Then he stops. "Hey, are you calling me a horse's ass?"

"Oh no sir," the cowboy replies. "I respect law enforcement too much to call you a horse's ass."

"Good thing," mutters the cop, finishing off the speeding ticket.

After a pause, the cowboy says in his best drawl, "Hard to fool them flies though."

[WillieCash]

A cowboy from Arkansas, a cowboy from Texas, and a cowboy from California sat around the campfire.

The Arkansas cowboy says "I must be the toughest cowboy in the world. Every day I wake up at 4AM and herd 1,000 head of cattle all by myself till 4 in the evening. Then I take my fifteen minute break to deliver a few horses, then I go back to work again until midnight 6 days a week"

The Texas cowboy replies "That's pretty tough. But I must be the toughest cowboy in the whole world. Every day I wake up an three AM and shoe horses until the sun rises, then I really get to work. I break in three mustangs by noon and then round up 3,000 head of cattle by myself by the time I go to bed at 1 in the morning 7 days a week"

The California cowboy just smiles in silence to himself as he stirs the campfire coals with his penis.

[Justice Daniels]

Happy Thanksgiving, y'all!

http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y150/Saltlick/Sub3/turkey.jpg

[calichristina]

happy thanksgiving!

A turkey farmer was always experimenting with breeding to perfect a better turkey.
His family was fond of the leg portion for dinner and there were never enough legs for everyone. After many frustrating attempts, the farmer was relating the results of his efforts to his friends at the general store get together. "Well I finally did it! I bred a turkey that has 6 legs!"
They all asked the farmer how it tasted.
"I don't know" said the farmer. "I never could catch the darn thing!"

[calichristina]

Q: Who is not hungry at Thanksgiving?
A: The turkey because he's already stuffed!

[calichristina]

what sexually transmitted disease to birds get??
chirpies and thier untweetable!

[Justice Daniels]

On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"

The kid replies, "Yeah."

The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike."

The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket.

The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"

Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did."

The kid continued, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."

[Teacher_Sam]

hahahaha love it! sending it to my cop friends!

[caligirlUCR]

Me too - that one was great!!